Make a whole new religion

realised something scary today

learnt how to relax and meditate today at GE class..
was asked to picture a scene that caused me anxiety.. and the tutor asked us what we tell ourselves when that thing happened..

so I remembered me getting lost in the supermarket when I was 5..
I ran everywhere to look for my mommy.. and I was telling myself that I'm lost.. and I'll be lost forever.. that I'm unwanted

and I realised that I still feel that way now.. when I lose my mom, when I lose my siblings, when I lose my frens in the crowd..
though I don't run around because I've learnt to relax, telling myself that I can find them through handphone..

Is this the reason why I am so desperate to grow up?
so that I can fly away and not want people in my life

Because the people who told me that they're never leaving left
and those I wish they will say that they will always be here never did