Make a whole new religion

have been so busy these days
xphysique xphysique!
sometimes I wish that I am a full time event organisor..
so I can put all my effort in the event
although I now keep working until 4am for it
haha

these days other than been busy
I've been doing lots of thinkin
and I realised..

that I need a change!
the better word should be WANT

All these years
People around me has linked me too much to Hiro
they link my emotions.. my thoughts.. my actions..
everything with Hiro

so much so that when I'm sad.. it's Hiro
when I'm happy.. it's Hiro
they stopped knowing me
but instead quickly dismiss my every action, my every thought, my every feeling, my everything to be Hiro-induced
It's sad coz I guess I have kinda died in everyone's heart..
What is left is the boy in love with Hiro

I also realised the reason why I had held on to Hiro for such a long time
It's simply because when I dont have Hiro, I had no one to love
coz Hiro is the only person I can love who I know who will give me back the same love

the rest have their problems.. their family.. their lovers.. themselves..
not that I am angry with that
it's only human

but now that I think I've finally learnt how to be without Hiro,
it feels empty.
and the so called love I am given now disappears the second their lovers or problems appear

I once believe that if I can live my life such that I can put my friends and lover and myself in almost the same plane.. i will find such love too

how funny that I have to learn 'dont expect things from people to your own standards' in such a twist.

my friend told me to always expect change
to never have expectations.
these times.. I keep having this feeling of if I dont have expectations.. what sets them apart from normal friends

but somehow it's working for me
coz there's no one here to let me down anymore


I still treasure everything that I have
juz that I know I'm not the pearl of the oysters like they claim so