Make a whole new religion

We all make choices.
Little do most know that, not making a choice is a choice too.

We all have to face the consequences of the choices we make.
So, don't be a crybaby.

It's very irritating.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

My sister shared a story with me a while ago.
We were talking about how many difficulties people face when they have to let go of someone who only hurts them.

The reason for not leaving is always because of the other party.
But ask this question -
If he/ she lets you go, will you go?

Then you will realize that most of the times, we are the ones in control.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

You know not why you want it
But you just want somebody to hold
Love is nothing but a game

You love him but he doesn't love you
He only loves you when you are not thinking of him
Love is just a game we play

He loves you
But you don't like his one crooked tooth
Love is nothing but a game

You love him
But he is halfway around the world
Love is nothing but a game

Do you love him and be forever apart?
Or do you love him because he can be there for you?
Love is a losing game

A game already lost




For you I was the flame,
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came,
Love is losing game

One I wish I never played,
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band,
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand,
Love is a losing hand

Self professed and profound
Tilter tips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Tho' I battled blind,
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind,
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds,
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Music

That friends always leave when they have a love interest.

We all promise that friends are for ever.
Lovers come and go.

We all say how glad we are to have friends.
When that special someone makes us cry.

We all swear at one point to never love again.
Love is just not for me.

But we all secretly leave the top spot aside.
For that special one.

And as soon as that someone appears.
We come up with all sorts of excuses to show how we have not left our friends.

You have to understand that friends leave.
And you have to learn to only want the best for your friends.
Yes.
Even when they leave you.

That's how things are.
Someday, you will leave too.
This,
You have to understand.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

Somewhere along the way you fall a little deeper.
Part of you feels so happy.
Part of you so scared.
And you enjoy sitting beside him quietly.
Watching his fingers type on the keyboard.
Looking away when he's angry on the phone.
And you just want to sit beside him.
One day he asks
"What are you thinking?"
And you say
"Nothing"
He thought that you are keeping things from him.
And things start to change.
You grow sad.
And it's too late.
You know you'll be heart broken again.
And you tell your friends.
But they say
"Well it's not even a real relationship to me."
So you keep everything to yourself.
But
They can say whatever they want.
He can say whatever he wants.
And you can say whatever you want.
You are sad.
Very sad.
Because you really do like him a lot.

Labels: Gage'sWritings

I am your void.
If you are a quiet crowd,
I will be the chatty one.

If you are a noisy crowd,
I will listen intently.

If you are the first timer,
I will show you the way.

If you are experienced,
I will let you take charge.

I always thought it's for the best.
But I've learnt that it may not be.

I am your void.
It is not your fault, but my need.

I am your void.
Where is mine?

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

I realised that I'm a computer.
If I'm left to idle, I go to sleep mode.
Be it after 12 hours of sleeping,
in the middle of the day,
on the train,
on the bus,
waiting for bus,
waiting for train,
waiting for friends when they are late,
or watching tv.

:p

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

"Is it the end of the story? Or is it the beginning of a new story? Or maybe it is just merely a hit on the pause button."


My story to share with a dear friend.
I hope you are reading this.
And that this makes sense.

I had a love story end against my will.
I wanted it to be a pause.
But it was the end.
Then I thought it could be the beginning of a new story.
But it was not.

Now that I think back, I'm glad to have it ended.
And I do think that I am very lucky.
I am lucky that someone had cared enough to hurt me so bad.
Because putting a pause would have hurt me more.
It was painful to reach the end of the road especially with someone you so selfishly want.
But do trust me that it is not always a bad thing.

I had a love story end against my will.
To be truthful, it was a pause for our relationship.
We did sit opposite each other last Christmas, looking at each other smiling (like we did many years ago).
And it was the beginning of something.
I can now be a big boy around Hiro.
But it was the end.
The end of a love story.


My dear friend, I know it's very hard.
Despite you saying otherwise.
And I cannot tell you what to do or decide.
But this may be the few times when the heart cannot tell you what is best for you.


东弯土星
陈洁仪

唱完这首歌真的就不想再唱了
甚至麦克风感觉到我已很伤神
每一次唱着所谓意境美的情歌
受够了

(唉) 时代已变了唱歌还要讨好别人
如今我懂得大声唱我喜欢的歌
不想等了又等心忽然掉进黄河
该退了

不用为我心痛什么
留恋过去又能怎么
放下旧情人的我又活了
这就叫舍得

不用为我担心什么
从不觉得我像被放逐的灵魂
唱歌还能胜任
我会唱的

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

If you decide that your current lover is more valuable than our years of friendship, please show yourself to the door.

If you think you can cancel an appointment with me at the last minute without a good reason, please do not ask me out in the first place.

If you think I am disposable, you are mistaken.

If you think I will settle for second best, you must not know me very well.

I am a L'Oréal Boy.
Because I am worth it.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

However far apart you think we are
After all has been said and done
From halfway round the Earth
Though I cannot be where you are

How can someone like you love me the way you claim?
Who am I to be so lucky?

I'm too young
I'm too old
He don't seem to like me as much
I don't think we have much in common

Actually, the truth is
I like you more than you think

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

I often wonder if people know that my decisions and course of actions are often factored with others.


That's why when I need to make a decision for a group, I ask and demand a lot of information.
Where is a good location to meet up?
Will A and B be able to get a bus back after the meeting?
Will C need to make a double bus transfer in order to meet?
How come D can want to meet in a place so convenient for himself/ herself that D cannot see that A has to travel so far?


Unfortunately, people only tell me that they wished I am not so controlling.


I listen. And I will be very patient until I find that you are merely whining.
I do not believe in whining.
I ask people to stop also because I believe there are tons of people who are not invested enough to want you to pick yourself up.
So I often choose to pick the role who you will hate (because I am the only person who tells you what you do not want to hear).


Unfortunately, people only thinks of me as unsympathetic.


To this, I can only say.
You're not worth it.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

• I think a good looking person who only wants to be seen as good looking and cool is very unattractive.

• I believe everyone will be with someone in the end.

• I like to see Tori Amos sing live. Sometimes she looks up into a space as if she yearns to leave this place. I think she understands.

• I believe in sleep. No matter how much work you still have left, sleep should never be compromised.

• I think naps are just a waste of time.

• I love to look at my lover's sleeping face.

• I hate feminist women who has nothing to show for.

• I believe that money makes the world go round.

• I do not believe in love at first sight.

• I cannot pardon one who makes the same mistake more than two times.

• I think that my 'mistake principle' makes me fearful to love again.

• I think people who do not put their handphones to silent mode when they know that they will be having a meeting or lecture are plain rude.

• I am compassionate. The reason why I don't show to most people is because they do not deserve it; not because I do not have the capacity to sympathise.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder if this world has only a certain amount of happiness.
Only a certain amount, never enough for every single one of us.

After a period of quiet and calmness,
I will hear of news that a friend's love relationship has ended,
while another friend has found new love.
A lonely becomes loved, while a stable relationship can end just like that.

The same logic that I cannot pick up a $50 note
unless someone else has dropped one.

I wonder if this world has only a certain amount of happiness.
And if those who are without happiness now are aware that it will be their turn soon.
And if the others understand that some happiness will slip away soon.
Because there is never enough happiness for every single one of us.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

We have a dog.
Her name is Wan Wan.
I can't say that she is a dumb dog.
She is toilet-trained but she pees on everywhere except her designated toilet space.

This drives my mother crazy.
So she has came up with a strategy to not clean up the mess.
And hopefully this will annoy my sister enough to send the dog away.
What she cannot understand is that this will never happen.

So her strategy only annoys my sister.
My sister is also trying to improve the situation.
She talks to the dog everyday.
"Wan Wan. You must be a good girl. Must go onto the newspaper to urine."

If only pigs can fly.

None of the women are thinking properly.
The solution is simply to train and beat the dog whenever neccessary.
But one is torturing her daughter.
And the other is plain crazy.

Lesson One: Animal or not. A Dog (or a bitch) will be Dog. They only cause you trouble.
(To my female counterparts, some are just not worth keeping.)

I tried to keep my mouth shut.
But knowing me, it didn't last long.
Still, one is torturing her daughter.
And the other still believes that the dog will one day be moved to not dirty the house.

Lesson Two: As long as you in the minority, it doesn't matter if you make sense or not.
Unfair as it sounds, sometimes, you only need the louder voice to win.

So I thought what is wrong with the situation.
You have two persons who keeps harping on about the dog.
But everyday you see them prattling on as they are cleaning up the dog's wastes.
Dog ONE! Human ZERO!!

Lesson Three: Homo Sapiens is all talk but no action species.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

I want to grow up
I want to see the world
I want to leave this dump
So I am on my way

I want to leave your shadow
You don't know what I want
You don't know what is best for me
So let me be. I need to go

So I grow
I travel far from home to work
So I put myself out of my comfort zone
And I am going to leave you

So I plan
I am going to leave all these behind
So I try new things
And make you worry

But when I turned back to wave goodbye that day
I saw the sadness in your eyes
You didnt know I was looking
But you quickly smiled back when you saw me looking back

Then I had a realisation
I can never quite leave you
Even after making up my mind to leave this dumpster
I can never quite leave you

for mommy

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

Hummingbirds.
Always busy.
Never resting.
I've heard that if they stop flying,
they will die.
So they are always on the move.

And this is perhaps the reason why they are so hard to catch.

Hence, everyone is tempted to catch one for themselves. Myself included.

First I thought I will wait.
Surely the hummingbird will be tired one day. And when it does, I will offer a place for it to rest.
And it will be mine.
Unfortunately, it didn't work. Perhaps I wasn't lucky enough to find the right bird.

Then I thought I will set traps.
Seduce it with flowers and nectar.
I will be all it ever wants.
Fulfil each and every of its needs.
But somehow the hummingbird that I really want never comes near my trap.

So what can I do?
Yes! I will catch it!
Use a net to entangle it.
Or use a stick to whack its head.
Maybe cut one of its wing off.

So this is how we can catch a hummingbird.
Pay the price that our hummingbird will be crippled.

Perhaps a hummingbird will be a hummingbird.
You can only watch it fly among the other flowers.
(Maybe tease you once in a while)
Always busy.
Never resting.
Always on the move.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

After writing about the 5 people I meet in Heaven, I thought of the incidents that changed my life.

There was the time when I was maybe 9 years old. Friends were teasing about Lisun and me. I was very angry and wanted everyone to stop. I think I was crying even. And Lisun was telling me to ignore them but I didn't. She got so annoyed that she forced my head to turn to face her and said, "Stop it!"
I realised the meaning of having a best friend. He/ she doesn't leave you behind.

I had participated in all sorts of swimming competitions. I win some, I lose some. But the race that established my confidence as a competitive swimmer wasn't the time when I got 6 or 7 gold medals, nor was it the time when I won a bronze despite competing against faster and more well-trained swimmers. It was the training sessions I had when I was 10 years old. I was training with the senior boys who are twice my size. At first they won me by half a second. So I told myself the next time we swim, I'll be as fast as they are. And when I achieved that, I had to win them by half a second.
Lessons learnt:
^ Mere physical training does nothing for competitions. It's the mental strength that matters.
^ If you don't want, you will never get.

Then there was the time when I was about 18 years old, my sister asked me, "You have a choice, right?"
I realised that we like to play victim too much.
"He took advantage of me!"
"She made me buy this useless junk."
I realised that even when I had let a bad thing happen to me, it was my choice.
So no whinning, no tears on the shirt. And get to work! hee.

Then there was national service.
It was no fun. But I think boys really become men.
I always think the army wasted me away. Boys go in and come out fitter.
I came out with an injured leg, learnt tons about office politics and shelved the swimmer-gage away.

The next turning point would be NTU Sports Club. Discovered the people-gage. As many know, I never have much energy to invest in small talks. "Hi, How's the party so far?", "I'm Gage, blah blah blah of Sports Club. Would you like me to show you around?" Never knew how to do these before being a part of Sport Club.

My parents' divorce. It got me thinking a lot about partnerships and marriages. Still don't know how much I'll need it. But I'm definitely not looking forward to it. Seems to me that the end will be very messy and troublesome. But if I will have a family eventually, we will have separate saving accounts. Money always bring out the worst in people.

Finally, the drinking session at Happy Dayz when I was back from Thailand to renew my working visa in October 2005.
I had been a bitter gage for a few years. Didn't seem to find love around. Now that I see it, I was too blind. Love has always been around. Jayna told me that I am happier now compared to years before. And I teased her, "Then I have to thank friends like you." She said, "I always knew that that was a phase. You will be alright in the end."
I never am good in the love department. But I wanna thank Lisun, Wenqiang, Jiahui aka Jayna, CK, Sze aka Gareth, Vicky, Adrian, Yingkai, Qijin, Xiushan, Peishan, Cherng Yang aka James and Julian. In a way you guys are my lovers all along. Through the good and bad times. You guys never gave up on me. Thank you all.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts

I just finish reading Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven. It's not an amazing book I must say (although it made the long travelling hours back home from school more meaningful). But it got me thinking who will be the five people I'll meet in heaven.
In the short span of 24 years, I've got many life turning points. Actually, thinking back, I cannot believe it myself too. But it happened. I am grateful to each person or event at my every turning point. Some make me smile, some make me sad, others make me feel ashamed. But each of them tells me the same lesson - That I am stronger than what I think.

The people who I'll mention below are the people who I know consciously who impacted my life. I'm sure there are many people who curves my life-path in ways that I do not know and so I cannot correctly write about them here. I promise I'll say my love everytime we spend time together, and I'll thank you again when we meet in heaven (or hell).

Mrs Lim Sia How. My primary school teacher. She always carries her little blue notebook around. Fierce looking but kind hearted. She taught me that hard work always reap results. And I was a shy 12 year old boy with lots of silly questions about the world. She taught me that there's nothing in the world too stupid to ask. I'm grateful for her.

Mr Leong. My swimming coach. Suave and Handsome. I never knew if I can swim faster than him (maybe I can) because he was always standing by the pool screaming at us. My first experience with masochism. He taught me that when someone screams at you, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love about you. And when I finally left him to swim for SASA (Singapore Amateur Swimming Association), he says to me,"Finally! Long overdued. Come back swim when you are free." I never told anyone, but ever since I realised that he's no longer teaching at Toa Payoh Swimming Pool, I will feel down when I go there.

Miss Annette Kwan-Terry. My GP tutor. Never loses her cool. I remember the first day she walked into the class and I thought that she seems cold blooded. But she taught me that no one can trap you within a boundary unless you allow them to. She had her restrictions when she was teaching us. But she showed us a X-Rated movie, her back-packing pictures, taught us public speaking and many life lessons that the school accidentally left out in the curriculum. She showed me that being cool is really sexy and one should never stop wanting to grow. From six years ago, I never stopped to want to grow up to be like her.

These three people are no longer in my life, but I sure would want to see them again somewhere. Ask them if they remember me and thank them for changing my life.

Then, there is Tawfiq Kassir. But I still see him around. So there's no need to write about him now. hee. But I am really thankful that he is in my life now. Really.

And Hiro. The one who showed me all the colors in life. Much of my temper and likings are shaped by this one person. If there is a second chance, I'll go through everything again. No second thoughts. But if we will never see each other again on Earth, I hope we wouldn't meet in heaven. Because it will only remind me of the distance that forever separated us.

Labels: Gage'sWritings, Thoughts